Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
