this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize