What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
