She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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