I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize