I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize