What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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