There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
