She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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