Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
