david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
