Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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