Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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