I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Randomize
