her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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