if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
