We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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