So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
