I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
