How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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