worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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