KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
