Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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