How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize