I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
