turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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