Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
