whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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