But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
