im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
