piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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