I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
