Who wears a wallet chain?!
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
