Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize