i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
