Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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