Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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