p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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