i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
