Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
