CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
