yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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