Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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