Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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