Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
