So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
