just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
