he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
