OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
