She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
