ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
