i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
