Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
