Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
