Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
