when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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