If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
