i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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