No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i came on her dog
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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