I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
