Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
