Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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