he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My dad is sitting where you rode me
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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