he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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