i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
