I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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