Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
