i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
