I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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