so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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