it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
