i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
