I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
