never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
