i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
